I started out with hope, like most of us do, for the clean, fresh year ahead. 2011 hadn't been a bad year, not a great year certainly but it had been OK. There had been the roller coaster ups and downs that mark our passage through most twelve month periods and that's only natural, but it had also been a dull year, a stagnant year. It was year marked with a sense of waiting, of marking time. I was ready, or so I thought, for the changes, the movement, I felt sure 2012 would bring.
2012 has been a bitch.
My son was hit by car.
My step-grandson died when he was born prematurely.
My Dad had a stroke.
And another stroke.
My Step-Dad was diagnosed with a rare type of cancer.
Complications during his operation to hopefully remove the tumour led to an emergency operation a few days later to also remove his spleen.
He still needs chemotherapy and the prognosis is not good.
There has been a split in my step-family, a major rift I don't know how, or even if I want, to heal.
The Mad Druid is ill. Much more so than he's letting on. I fear a chest infection that won't heal (it's been months now) is a symptom of something much worse.
And that's just the tip of the iceberg.
I thought 2012 was to be a year of changes and I took that to be a good, positive thing (and maybe it still is) and looked forward to it, but for those changes to take place there has been a destructive process, a tearing away of comfort and security. For new things to grow the ground must be cleared, but that is a painful process. The storm clouds must gather before we can truly appreciate the blue.
If we know where to look for it.
Life is what we make it. 2013 will be what I make it.
I'm not expecting it to be easy, in fact I'm expecting a wild and difficult ride, but what 2012 has taught me is that I can make every minute of it count, if I want to.
Oh, and there was one good thing to come out of 2012
My newest Grandson x